Photo by Pawel Janiak on Unsplash
If you’re thinking about writing a book of any kind, there’s no way to avoid mistakes. I’m not talking about the obvious grammatical and spelling errors that you can pay someone to edit out of your manuscript—I’m talking about major structural confusion. I did it just this week with my current WIP.
Most of my chapters for To Uneat an Elephant are outlined and mostly written, but the question every writer has to deal with is what stays in the book, what needs to be moved around, and what needs to be omitted.
When we write a novel, we have to dream up a plot and characters. For some people, this is a challenge. But when writing a memoir, our brain is already full of memories. Whether our memory is accurate or not, we have had an automatic recorder feeding us information since we were children.
In the act of writing a memoir, the challenge is not what to make up for a plot—but what to keep in the story. Which plot? Which characters? Which settings? Most writers will need to edit a lot, or they’ll end up with a thousand-page book.
Writing a memoir is a lot like carving a sculpture—except instead of using a knife, we are carving with words. Trimming here and there and scratching out the details to get the most beautiful picture possible.
We get to curate which memories to include, and we also have to decide how to organize those stories. This might even include changing the chronological order of events. This is not dishonest—it’s the art of storytelling, and we can do it without lying or fabricating.
I deal very little in facts, facts can obscure the truth, you can tell so many facts you never get to the truth, you can tell the places where, the people who, the times when, the reasons why, and never get to the human truth which is love and pain and loss and triumph. -Maya Angelou
For instance, I wrote about a dream I had shortly after leaving my family. It’s firmly in my memory, but I can’t tell you for sure when it happened. Not having the exact date doesn’t make it any less true. As the storyteller, I have the option of putting it wherever I feel it will best suit the narrative. This placing of events helps to make a more palatable story for the reader.
After I posted what I labeled as the second chapter of my new book, I realized that dream probably happened later than I placed it. I also feel the reader needs to understand more of the joy and fun I had while exploring my new life before I mention how much I missed my family.
Such a mistake is easily fixed at this point. Placing my chapters here for you to read allows for feedback and allows me to restructure and improve my book before publishing.
I’m sharing this process with you because I wasn’t as confident the first time I wrote a memoir. I was afraid to show my process or share my mistakes because I wanted to look professional. I wanted people to think I knew what I was doing. The truth is I’m still not sure what I’m doing. And you know what? That’s okay. In each book, we have to start somewhere.
If you’re making mistakes in your writing, don’t worry about it. One advantage to sculpting a story over sculpting out of wood and stone is that even when you’ve tossed something out, you can always put it back.
I’ve done the deep work of curating my stories into a pile that says, “keepers.” The general direction is all planned out, but tweaking the order and the little details that come up will only enhance the story.
So don’t be surprised when chapter two becomes chapter four. This process will eventually make the book easier to read. If this happens to you, it’s normal. Don’t feel embarrassed about it or worried because you’re making art, and making art is about the joy of creation.
By being willing to be a bad artist, you have a chance to be an artist, and perhaps, over time, a very good one.
-Julia Cameron
Hang on for Chapter 3!
Cherilyn
PS Many people following have read my first book. Below is my favorite picture of Chasing Eden, but Valentine’s Day is nearly here, and then I’ll have to change the picture. I made these cookies myself and I’ve had the joy of giving away cookies to many wonderful people. When you read the Elephant book, you’ll see why these cookies mean so much to me.
If your heart is broken, make art with the pieces. -Shane L. Koyczan
How are you making art with the pieces of your life?
Peace and freedom,
Cherilyn
Little Red Survivor Tips is always free. It’s just my thoughts about surviving at the intersection of family, narcissistic and religious abuse, and current events.
I also wrote a book Chasing Eden, about my strange childhood.
If you’d like to discuss writing memoirs, reading them, or would like a sneak peek at my next book, To Uneat an Elephant, you can subscribe below.
"One advantage to sculpting a story over sculpting out of wood and stone is that even when you’ve tossed something out, you can always put it back."
I love that! So hopeful and empowering!
Thanks for sharing your process. I, too, am encouraged to write...someday. Of course I know that "someday" doesn't have a date on it (and some people discount it for that reason), but "Someday!" is better than giving up *already*!
I found this interesting about writing. Good to know. I am not a writer so I had no clue. Thank you for sharing this insight . Helpful!