The children in this picture were beaten with a belt whenever they disobeyed or threw a tantrum and sometimes when their father was in a bad mood. They moved an average of every nine months, were not allowed to go to school, and had no long term friends but each other. These are the hard facts, but we also explored the woods and sang and played games. No one in the world can understand our pain, but my siblings and me.
Some in my family want to forget, but I cannot. Others are angry at me for speaking up, but I cannot be silent. I’ve found freedom in writing my story. We might not agree on all the details, but there is no way any of us can deny the facts that we moved constantly, feared the belt, and never got an education.
These factors changed our lives forever because abuse and neglect affected our life choices, who we married, whether we continued trying for an education, our physical health and our relationship with God. These risk factors are the results of Adverse Childhood Experiences and documented by the ACE study research.
My memoir might seem sweet and cheery at times despite the sad incidents because life was not always sad. Even flowers find the sun through the cracks in the sidewalk. Even abusive parents can love their children despite their shortcomings. And people do change through the years—some for better, some for worse.
I’m sharing this picture today—not to shame my parents, certainly not to shame my siblings who are survivors just as much as I am—but to put a face to child abuse in Christian families. People at church always said we were so perfect and quiet—this could be a warning sign that someone is in control and probably has a weapon behind doors. I actually blame much of what happened to us on our parents’ religious beliefs which gave them the idea that our wills were selfish and should be beaten out of us. A lot of child abuse comes from toxic religious teachings.
Some people are so boldly abusive that laws had to be made against beating children. Many people were raised to think that belting a child is normal. Belting is a form of bullying and using power over. If a child can be reasoned with, physical hitting and beating is teaching them violence over reason. This type of mindset contributes to hundreds of deaths every year from angry and out of control people using their power over with guns and road rage.
April has been designated National Child Abuse Prevention Month, since 1983. The struggle continues for millions of kids. Please keep your eyes open and become a safe place and an informed witness for the children in your neighborhood and social circles.
During National Child Abuse Prevention Month, we recommit to giving every child a chance to succeed and to ensuring that every child grows up in a safe, stable, and nurturing environment that is free from abuse and neglect.
-President Barack Obama
Little Red Survivor Tips is always free. It’s just my thoughts about surviving at the intersection of family, narcissistic and religious abuse, and current events.
I also wrote a book Chasing Eden, about my strange childhood.
If you’d like to discuss writing memoirs, reading them, or would like a sneak peek at my next book, To Uneat an Elephant, you can subscribe below.
April is Child Abuse Prevention Month
Hugs to you all--and you, first, dear Cheri!
You kids look distressed and fearful. Makes me want hug each one.
And I can sooooo relate! My present struggles hark back to similar things.